Parenting from a Non-Parent

Husband and I have often times been slightly ridiculed for giving parenting advice because we aren't parents, and while that is a valid reason to be concerned, we actually are parents...in a sense! Though we have no (biological) kids of our own, we've co-"parented" (to an extent) some great students in the past couple of years! Since we are in student ministry, we are always surrounded with teenagers and their parents! As much as we love raising up students, we also love walking alongside their parents as an advocate for them and as a third party looking in! Parents have the most impact on their students...not us! So, it's important for us to help parents and be their number one cheerleader when it comes to raising their students! Over the past 3 years, we have been to parent seminars, hosted some of our own, read parenting books, studied parenting blogs, and tried to help parents when they've needed us. And now I know that none of that compares to actually raising a child of your own, we love to see different styles of parenting and how that influences the children that they get older.

Last weekend we held a parenting seminar at TC and it's always refreshing to hear parents share in their love and struggles of parenting. In case you weren't there, I want to recap some things that could be helpful for you as you parent, not coming from us, but from Mike Landrum, someone who has helped spiritually mentor us in ministry and life. He teaches at a North Greenville University and has helped us tremendously in making ministerial decisions in the past. So, enjoy a breakdown :)

• Live Jesus to your kids! The older your kids get the more they will realize you succeeded. (They won't think you're right at the age of 13)
• God, family, job! Your kids & spouse need to know that you love Jesus more than you love them and eachother! Your kids can tell if your church attendance is just a way to get noticed, just to get your check and leave, or if it is because you truly have a relationship with God! 
• It doesn't take a lot for someone to be influenced by someone but it does take a lot for someone to be impacted by someone. You can't impact your child from a distance! Be IN their lives! Love them through their bad decisions! 
• There are some hills worth dying over and some that are not!!! Say yes as often as you can (if the requests are valid) so that when you say no...you mean no and they know you mean no!!
• Raising kids is not the job of the church! If your kid makes a bad choice, don't blame it on your pastor or student pastor and if your kid makes a good choice, don't praise your pastor or student pastor! (thank God :))
• Be a parent not a friend! Rules with no relationship breeds rebellion! You do need to earn the respect of your kids or else how do you expect them to come to you with their every need? Like mentioned before, you can't make an impact in your child's life from far away...be involved in their lives! Have a relationship with them that involves rules that they can respect because they love & respect YOU as their parent!
• Sometimes the worst thing we can do is overprotect our kids and shelter them from what's going on in the world! If your child wants to smoke weed badly enough, he/she is going to find weed! If they want to sleep with someone badly enough, they're going to find a way to sleep with someone! We need to teach them why sin is sin and that they shouldn't just not sin because "we said so!" Give them a valid reason for why sin is sin..."because it goes against the character of God." And if you've built that relationship with your kids, they will be more likely to come to you with issues of sin and temptation!
• Help kids own their own faith...not your faith...by answering the "Why's?" We see this a lot in student ministry. Kids go off to college having no clue why they believe what they believe and their answer to "Why do you believe that" is answered with "Because that's what my pastor taught me or that's what my parents said". That can be so dangerous!
• We can't have a "head in the sand" mentality when it comes to our culture! We can't ignore it like it's going to just disappear! Teach them to be in the world but not of the world!
• The most effective weapon against sinful forms of popular culture is a strong, healthy family life integrated into a loving community of faith!
• Pop culture is not evil, but it easily takes on evil forms as it tries to please a fallen world. (E.g. your phone is not evil...but can be used for evil. A computer is not evil...but can be used for evil. Your TV is not evil...but is often used for evil.) Monitor them all :) 

Take the time to mentor your kids. Don't brush off their questions about the bible or brush under the rug their deep theological questions. Maybe you don't know the answers to their questions...seek someone you trust that does or else they'll find out from someone or somewhere else! Take the time to love them and build that relationship with them! Let them know that you are their biggest advocate in life aside from Christ! And, just to put in a plug, get them plugged in to church! Bring them to Quest, Chase, or Pursuit on Wednesday nights, if their in college we would love their help on Wednesday nights, get them in a Hometeam (they meet on Sundays or throughout the week), get them to Kid's Camp or "Unleash" Summer Camp coming up, bring them with you on Sundays, get them serving somewhere in the church. I'm telling you, those things will make all the difference in the growth of your child...and plus, we just love to see their faces all the time :)

We will have another seminar in the Fall if you missed out on this one...please make plans to attend! They really are SO helpful! Always praying for ya'll!

'Til next time,