Whenever someone gets pregnant, the first thing that pops into everyone's minds (and so they normally ask) is this, "I wander if they were trying to get pregnant...or if it was an "accident". This makes me laugh now, being pregnant, but I wander the same thing sometimes with other people. When people started asking me if we were "trying", I would say "Well, yes and no." and that may seem a little opposing but here's why...
When mother nature visited me in the 7th grade, I was in the closet of my art class putting up my pottery to dry, when I got so sick that I sat down...in the closet...on the floor. Ever since then, mother nature has made me very sick but has also been very unpredictable. I would sometimes go 2-7 months without a period which was great as a teenager because I hardly ever got the monthly curse all my friends complained about all the time. But not so great as an adult to hopefully have children one day. When I had my first ever gynecology appointment the doctor said, "You're going to have some trouble getting pregnant one day." And that was that. I said, "okay." and walked out. Talk about patient care. Haha. She never "diagnosed" me with anything just gave me birth control because I was getting married and sent me on my way. So, for years I've "known" that I may or may not be able to have kids one day and, surprisingly, I was okay with that. God had already began to stir within me a heart to adopt one day.
So, fast forward 4 years later. Upon moving to Charlotte I knew I had to find a new doctor. I wasn't eager to find a doctor because I wanted to have a child but because it was becoming necessary to get my system in order. Thanks to friends, I found a doctor that I'm in love with! After giving her my background, she just nodded and for the first time, I had a "diagnosis": Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Though the long word was like "huh?" I felt relieved to now have a "name" for my "issues". So, of course I asked, "How do we fix this?" I had an ultrasound that had shown lots of cysts on my ovaries. Basically, my ovaries looked like chocolate chip cookies instead of sugar cookies...for my visual learners! This also explains the stomach pains I had been experiencing (which I thought at one point could be a gluten allergy) but it was the cysts. I also learned that I didn't produce enough hormones to ovulate and I also didn't have any follicles (which is also what you need to carry a baby). None of this was a huge surprise to me, by the way.
The doctor asked me when I had "planned" on trying to get pregnant (this was in April) and I told her "probably next year". So, she said, "we should start now." (I thought start what?) She placed me on a drug to start my period, a drug to help me ovulate, a drug to control the way my body handles sugar, a prenatal vitamin, and had set up monthly appointments to check my progress. She told me that these prescriptions, hopefully, should allow me to conceive but it would probably take a year, at minimum, for them to take affect and work. I was okay with that, because that was "our plan", after all. A year.
Fast forward to May (a month later). I had to take monthly pregnancy tests to make sure it was safe to continue the prescriptions. So, I took a test and I was pregnant. My first thought: "SHE SAID A YEAR!!" Husband and I were both like, "okay.....well, here we go". I remember handing him the pregnancy test when he got home and saying, "read it and weap". Probably not the most "creative" way to announce your pregnant to your husband but hey, what can I say? We were both still kinda skeptical but more-so shocked that a year of "preparing to get pregnancy" had turned into "your pregnant".
So, when people asked if we were trying to get pregnant that's why I answered, "yes and no". Eventually we wanted kids and were making strides towards that goal but I know for me, I was not ready at that time. Let's be honest, I was not ready to give up my selfishness and quality time with my husband while not having to worry about another human having to rely on me to live.
At this point, I am thankful that my "experience' wasn't a drawn-out journey, like so many have had to endure. With four weeks (give or take) left, I think I'm as ready as I'm going to be. If that's possible. I'm ready to sleep on my stomach and eat what I want when I want (not really, but seriously). But I'm also ready to see a personality be born and ready to put a face to all these kicks and jabs!
If you're struggling with PCOS, know that our timing and all the medicine in the world play a very little role in God's will for our lives. I know that's easy for me to say because it happened very fast for me, but I'm secure in knowing that God's plan is always better than my plan and His plan for you is based on His perfect timing, not ours. Why would we want anything for our lives that is not rooted in God's perfect plan?
He's the master planner.
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